Dear past self: Turns out, you were a Goddess all along (2024 in review)

Dear past self,

This year has been the most transformative year of your life. And transformation isn’t always love and light. What I’ve learned is that the presence of the dark doesn’t mean the absence of light. Quite the opposite, actually. So, all the times that you were so scared that you thought you were dying or needed to try really hard not to give up, there was higher and higher amounts of light present, just paving the path for what you really deserve, for a life that is for you - more aligned, more colourful, more you. What I’ve learned is that transformation wants time. And it wants patience. What I’ve learned is that I won’t live without darkness after I go through this, but how to live with it and not be affected by it. How to not react to it. How to see through it. Remember to stay centred when really dark shit is “up”. That’s the skill that you cultivated this past year. One of many.

You have been stripping away the layers of conditioning. You have been learning so much about shadows, emotions, and patterns, how your childhood, generational patterns and past lives are connected for you and how they are showing up in your presence. You did so great, researching it all, reading books, finding people to explain it to you, experimenting on your own. You came to that scared, alone little girl, clenching her knees, wanting to be loved. And you loved her. You did. Thank you for paving the way forward. And the lesson I am taking away from all this is that self-love heals all of the layers at once. I was surprised to find out how simply hugging myself heals it all at the core in seconds.

Yes, I have a way to go. And I don’t always like that. Often, I just want to be done with it, be healed, free of shadows and start living. But I chose it like this. I chose to awaken. Do my galactic history report. Remember more. Integrate my galactic lives on other planets. And the trauma that was incurred there. That’s hard to explain. And to understand. I still have to pay rent and do stuff for the collective. Sometimes I wish I hadn’t, to be honest. But I chose it. That means I am more than capable of doing it. And as long as I see it as fun and games, it actually might be.

But…

But in the midst of all, so many things changed for the better. You did so many new things. You started teaching despite what was in your throat. And dancing flamenco and belly dance. You started speaking to the camera. You did a Reiki class. You cleared the energy of other people. You wrote an eBook on clearing energy. You moved apartments. You re-launched my brand. You started breathing properly. You work in fashion now, as you have wanted for a while. You got more tattoos. You made new friends. People who understand you from another side of the planet. You found peace and comfort within yourself. You found stars within yourself instead of travelling up to them. When you stopped looking outside of yourself for love. When you stopped chasing. When you stopped seeing yourself through others’ eyes and started seeing and loving yourself. Bit by bit.

And dear past self, let it go. What you did or think you did, let it go. It’s all serving a purpose. It might be blurry at the moment, not understanding how and why. All scary and dark. But to me, it’s not. Looking back, it’s not. And I know it’s not easy, eh. I give you credit. I give you light when you need it. I give you love. I give you patience. And compassion. And most importantly, I give you a mirror to look at with the hope that you see all that I see. It breaks my heart sometimes how you don’t see it.

Remember the astronomical phenomenon where a star's life cycle involves collapse, fusion, and sometimes explosive rebirth? Thats you.

So, as always, here are 2024 key takeaways:

• Love is power. Soft is power. Tough is not power. Pride is not power. It is compensating for fear.

• The presence of darkness means the heightened presence of light. It’s a choice. What you are not changing, you are choosing. Remember, it can be a horror story, or it can be fun and games.

• Right people are always there. Don’t stress, don’t clench. Let them go.

• What at the moment seems like an absolute horror story might be the greatest gift at the end.

• There is a world out there, way more magical than I thought possible. (Inner child is jumping and petting unicorns) And you are the creator, the director, the actor, the everything. You can manifest anything. Decide what you want and be ready to receive it.

And 2025 next steps:

• Rest. You are a divine, feminine, godly creature who deserves to rest.

• Don’t clench, let it flow. And stay centred. That helps.

• Enjoy the small stuff; this is why you came. The trees, the sound of water, the cup of tee, the smell of the candle

• Open your heart to new experiences and new people again. It’s going to be great.

• Trust yourself, you don’t need the clock anymore and the car plates

• And as always, love yourself.

I love you,

Katarina